Day 9: Monday, day after the Super Bowl for those of you who are sportsball fans, was the 9th treatment of 36. I’m a quarter of the way there! For my former co-workers at DEG – congratulations!
This weekend served as a great learning experience as it pertains to how the treatment may be affecting me. Over the weekend, I didn’t experience any headaches or latent effects from TMS treatment like surface area pain.
The past few days have shown me a pattern to my moods. My moods have often been amorphous and indistinct. A mellow humdrum that doesn’t reflect happiness or sadness. Now, it appears my mood operates on a sine wave with the high part of the curve in the morning and the low part in the evening. I start the day strong, positive, light, and then throughout the day, my mood falls into deep, prominent darkness.
I’ve been wondering if this pattern indicates that something in my brain is changing. I have no way of knowing at this time.
Today’s Anthem: Mother Mother – It’s Alright (Watch the video. It’s worth it.)
Today’s Book: Neil Gaiman – Trigger Warning
Pain: How badly did the treatment hurt? Did I have headaches afterward? Other issues?
2/5 – Mild intensity pain during treatment
There was no pain once the treatment stopped and I went the entire evening without experiencing headaches or surface pain. I’ve done a good job of pairing up pre-medication with Advil about an hour before treatment and distracting myself with a good book.
Sleep: How’d I sleep? How many hours? Quality?
3/5 – Sleep remains steadily unimproved.
Appetite: How’d I feel about eating? What did I eat?
2/5 – I suffered a sour stomach. The thought of food was disgusting.
Physical Activity: What did I feel capable of doing? What did I ultimately do? How did I feel afterward?
2/5 – I felt a little lethargic. I wasn’t drained or fatigued but I was definitely underwhelmingly lazy.
Motivation: How much proactive motivation did I have? What motivated me? What were my goals? Did I hit them?
3/5 – Motivation was okay. I managed to accomplish the tasks I set out to do throughout the day.
Baseline Mood: What am I feeling as a baseline.
AM: 4/5 – I started the day very positive and carried it with me until around 3:30pm when it slowly started to drift downwards.
PM: 2/5 – By the time I went to bed, I had exhausted almost all positive energies and contributed to it further by losing at video games with my friends.
Happenings: What’s happened today that may impact my baseline?
I watched a movie with my best friend. We had a good discussion. There was Chinese food involved. Bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do…
I lost multiple games in a row playing competitive Counter-Strike, Rocket League, etc throughout the evening with my gamer buddies.
Reactions: What were my reactions to the happenings?
Excitement
Happiness
Disappointment
Anger
Frustration
Learnings: What did I learn, observe, etc.?
Evenings suck. For now. Iowa caucuses are weird. Dog slime is worse than human slime. Bats are just Rat Angels. Kitty hugs are the best when you’re sad.
