Day 12: This TMS treatment feels like forever. I’ve read three books since I started. Reading really helps distract from the pain. It’s not always enough, but it keeps me focused during the breaks between pulses.
Once again, the morning started out with a positive mood. After I’d recovered from the tension of the treatment. However, it eventually went downhill pretty severely by the evening. It’s been making it challenging to write in the evening, and so I try to get these blogs knocked out around midday.
I keep waiting for the turning point, something to show things are getting better. There are small signs that it is having an effect. The mood shifting up and down is more than the even-keeled just south of okay I usually feel. While I wish I didn’t have the steady progression of good to bad each day, it is better than feeling nothing at all.
Better than being cold-blooded. Less chance of falling out of trees that way.
Today’s Anthem: Ben Platt, Lin-Manuel Miranda – Found/Tonight
Today’s Book: Mary Oliver – Blue Horses
Pain: How badly did the treatment hurt? Did I have headaches afterward? Other issues?
3/5 — Pain was intense but manageable. The tension headache hung around for a portion of the morning.
Sleep: How’d I sleep? How many hours? Quality?
2/5 – I woke up frequently.
Appetite: How’d I feel about eating? What did I eat?
2/5 – My appetite is just not much these days. I eat but it feels like I’m just doing it to fill time and not my belly.
Physical Activity: What did I feel capable of doing? What did I ultimately do? How did I feel afterward?
1/5 – I was tired and lethargic.
Motivation: How much proactive motivation did I have? What motivated me? What were my goals? Did I hit them?
3/5 – Motivation started out okay and quickly took a nosedive.
Baseline Mood: What am I feeling as a baseline.
AM: 4/5 – Alright. Alright. Alright!
PM: 1/5 – By the time I went to bed, I was so depressed I couldn’t will myself to do anything else but sleep. (a repeat of yesterday)
Happenings: What’s happened today that may impact my baseline?
The work was quiet. My best friend stopped by to hang out mid-day. Laura visited in the evening.
Reactions: What were my reactions to the happenings?
Good and Bad. Boredom, Depression, Frustration in the evening
Learnings: What did I learn, observe, etc.?
Dancing to Selena Gomez makes people laugh at you on Facebook.
